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(This post is an addendum to a sermon preached July 16, 2017 at Faith Community Church in Newhall, CA. You can find the PowerPoint here: Strengthening Your Core–Marriage (FCC 7.16.17).)
Below are some practical tools to help you prioritize your marriage by faith:
- Digital Boundaries: This means you need a location to keep your phones while at home so that they are not always on you, and always demanding your attention. A simply priority would be that you do not engage technology before you meaningfully engage your spouse.
- First Fifteen Minutes Project: Another thing that I encourage couples to all the time is the idea of crystallizing the first fifteen minutes that you are home for each other. This means that the wife stops what she’s doing if she’s home, or the husband stops what he’s doing and you guys take 15 minutes to talk with each other. We have to hang up the phone when our spouse walks in the door. We have to put dinner on hold for a few minutes. This is just a very practical way of saying you matter to me. You’re a priority. Children—be quiet. TV—be quiet. Telephone—be quiet. My spouse is home and they are a priority to me.
- 3-2-1-1 Communication Exercise
- _Intimacy Inventory.docx
In 1869 Harvard would graduate one of its most influential professors and modern day thinkers—William James. William James graduated from Harvard with his Medical Doctorate (MD) in 1869, next to pursue studies in Brazil with the renowned Louis Aggassiz. After returning from his trip abroad, James suffered with serious health issues and bouts of what he termed depression. The significance of this return and his ensuing health conditions cannot be overstated as James would return stateside and accept a teaching position at Harvard in 1872. It was at Harvard that James would shape—maybe even redefine—the world of psychology. Here he would develop anthropological and epistemological theories that gave credence to many modern-day methodologies as will be displayed. (more…)
**Sermon preached at Grace on the Ashley Baptist Church in Charleston, SC
In the history of the church and particularly counseling within the church, there has been a house, of sorts, that is developing. Faithful, competent men and women are slowly building the house of biblical counseling on a solid foundation. One of these men—Jay Adams—spoke into the some of the load-bearing walls within this house. Jay Adams said one load-bearing wall is that,
Few, if any, recent theologians have discussed the relationship of habit to behavior. Their efforts have been expended on important questions having to do with Adam’s sin, the effects of sin upon the nature of his descendants, and the process by which sin has been transmitted to his posterity. These are all vital questions, as I have noted in the earlier chapter. But so is the matter of habit—especially for counseling.
Every person possesses habits. An important question to ask in understanding habits is, “what is the role of those habits in the educational experience?” Educators understand repetition, discipline, structure, and environment but do educators understand the behavioral assumptions that drive those methodologies or the ideologies from which current methodology has been derived? Consequently, the aim of this paper is to address one, central research question: can repeated behavior prohibit or promote learning or knowledge acquisition from a behaviorist’s perspective? Ivan Pavlov, perhaps a father in the behaviorism camp, spent years testing and proving what he believed to be the answer to this question. He argued that he could create a consistent stimulus and develop a habit in his subjects (primarily working with dogs) through external means, thus priming them for future responses. He believed that external stimuli teach a person to respond in certain ways, and those responses are then solidified through repeated exposure. Not all behaviorists agree, though, with Knight Dunlap stating these habits of learning were seen as the very fabric of the human nature: “in their totality, make[ing] up the character of the individual.” If Pavlov’s assertion is true, and Dunlap’s perspective is accurate, what role does habit formation plan in the ability of the student to learn? (more…)
In middle of this super-charged political year I want you to see something. To help you see it, I want you
to answer this statement to yourself: “God’s will for Christian citizens of human governments is that they be _____.” How would you complete this sentence? What does God want you to be in our government, as a Christian?
Often times in counseling, I use the idea of a balloon. Like a balloon we are squeezed by our circumstances in life: jobs, family, politics, houses, et cetera. These are things that James 1 would describe as a trial (v. 15). But there are also those pressures that come from inside, like the over-inflation of a balloon, they encourage us to ‘pop’. This is the idea of James 1:13 when James refers to those inner solicitations to sin—those enticements come from within. (more…)
The air that we breath is an air that assumes the importance of efficiency. “Work smarter not harder” could be our mantra: we want the results of two hours in the gym in 10 minutes; we want our food order to be placed, to be fresh, and to be on our table in five minutes. Businessmen balk at ‘wasting time’ and a grocery store brouhaha will take place if there is a long line and one cashier! Kevin DeYoung noted, “We have more opportunity than ever before. The ability to cheaply go anywhere is a recent development. The ability to get information from anywhere is, too. … The result, then, is simple but true: because we can do so much, we do do so much” Why? Because we love efficiency! Most would admit that everything in us chides with wasting time or the ultimate ‘no-no’ of inefficiency. If I were to tell you the long route to go somewhere when I knew a shorter route, you would probably Darth-Vader choke me in your mind! Now think of the way that affects our relationships. (more…)
For the next 90 days (May 1 – Aug. 1), I am conducting research on a profoundly important topic—habits. I propose that habits both shape what we see and how we see, much like glasses. A person’s pair of glasses not only shape what they can see, for instance, glasses can render a person functionally blind. Likewise a person’s glasses influences how they see, like leaning back to bring something in focus, or moving close to bring something into the focus of the glasses. These both illustrate the effects of habits on a person. Habits have a way of forming what we love and also capacitating us towards greater love. This means that what I (we) do, shapes what we love.